The Sleeper
King
by Will Wright
Not Arthur or
Ramses
Louis or
Agustus
Hamarabi or
Fredrick
Though each
great and robustus
Not Alexander
or Kublai
Or David with
sling
Reigned as
long or as far
As the great
Sleeper King
Now Eduardo
worked hard
And not for
much pay
Sorting the
mail
In
Murphysville Bay
His lifestyle
was frugal
With no
family, no flash
So he had in
the bank
A fair bit of
cash
In choosing
investments
Risk did not
attract
At Dewey and
Howe
He found this
contract
“This fund”
said the broker
“Is for
your situation
It always
pays one point
Over
inflation”
“It’s
simple and stable
With no legal
string”
“That sets
my mind easy”
Said the man
to be king
Arriving at
home
Hanging coat
with his cap
He yawned and
stretched out
For a short
mid-day nap
He slept
through the night
And the noise
from the tram
And he slept
right through breakfast
No biscuit,
no jam
A no-show at
work
And for
bowling and beers
He missed
every day
For ten
thousand years
But Dewey and
Howe
Each year in
the Spring
Gave
inflation plus one
Till Eduardo
was king
For a
percentage so tiny
When
compounded will grow
From molehill
to mountain
The kind
covered with snow
For money is
power
And power
gets wealth
So our hero
gained both
Doing nothing
himself
When Eduardo
awakened
Now what did
he see?
They’d
moved in a throne
And moved out
his TV!
A man came in
and bowed
“I’m Howe
394
Dewey 386
Is right
there by the door
Our firm has
worked long
That
percentage to bring
You own so
much now
You’re the
great sleeper king
You own
continents and oceans
And planets
and moons
From the
greatest of rubies
To the smallest of spoons
Now we earn it through taxes
For you own
all the lands
Taxing aglets
and gumballs
And big
rubber bands
We tax birth
we tax death
We tax those
that retire
We tax those
that play tennis
Or just
simply perspire
At first we
taxed low
A third part
seemed fine
But now our
percent
Is
ninety-nine point twelve nines”
The brokers
sighed deeply
“It’s no
party, no fling
Yes, our jobs
are quite taxing
Oh, great
sleeper king”
Now Eduardo
considered
This might be
a dream
But his couch
stood on emeralds
With gold
thread through the seam
From mail
handler to king
Was a largish
promotion
He preferred
something quiet
This was too
much commotion
Bring
jugglers cried Dewey
To rouse the
king from his sleep
Bring singers
and dancers
And a box
that goes beep!
Now the
juggler was good
Though he
tended to babble
Eduardo kept
thinking
He’d rather
play scrabble
Then Howe
announced
The bard Ivy
would sing
A song
written especially
For the great
sleeper king
Ivy, though
compact
Had a voice
full and strong
And though
the words sounded sweet
They claimed
Eduardo was wrong
She sang of
justice
Of a people
made free
And she sang
it so clearly
That Eduardo
could see
The startled
king shouted
“I should
never have hired
Either Dewey
or Howe
You both are
fired”
“Look,”
said the brokers
“What the
contracts require
We run your
portfolio
Until you
retire
Lie down, get
some rest
The couch
bugs won’t sting
We will
manage the realm
You just be
the king”
Eduardo,
though king
Was unable to
rule
The people
were suffering
He felt like
a fool
Power seems
nice
Till you grab
it by tail
Ruling worlds
was more stressful
Than sorting
the mail
There is one,
thought Eduardo
Who could be
a queen, true
She had
wisdom and poise
A nice
singing voice too
“Abdication’s
my choice
For my people
now moan
If Ivy will
take it
I will give
up the throne”
Dewey just
laughed
“You still
own everything
She’d just
be a puppet
Of the great
sleeper king”
But Ivy
laughed back
“Check your
books and inquire
If abdicate
might be
The same as
retire
And the tax
books say clearly
On the
forty-fifth line
The
retirement tax rate
Is 99 point
twelve nines”
When they
figured the numbers
The ex-king
got to keep
His
jewel-bedecked couch
And the box
that goes beep
And Dewey and
Howe
Their
commission now due
Got two
cumquats, a hairbrush
And a left
footed shoe
Wise Ivy, now
queen
The bards
praise as they sing
And she plays
scrabble each evening
With the
retired sleeper king
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