playbego4 Dirty Gutters

Dirty Gutters

by Walter Bego

(F) So when are you going to clean the gutters?

(M) I don’t know – not now, if that’s what you’re asking.

(F) Then when?

(M) When it bothers me enough that I feel like I need to do it.

(F) What kind of answer is that?

(M) The most honest one I could think of.

(F) So you’re willing to let the soffits leak and the roof and the walls rot, just because you don’t feel like cleaning the gutters?

(M) Are they really called soffits?

(F) Don’t change the subject.

(M) Fine.

(F) So?

(M) So what?

(F) So when are you going to clean the gutters?

(M) I thought I answered that question.

(F) When it bothers you enough?

(M) Ah, you were listening.

(F) It has to be done.

(M) If it bothers you; you can do it.

(F) You want me up on a ladder?

(M) No, I want to ignore it until it bothers me enough.

(F) I do enough around here.

(M) I agree. You’re a very busy person.

(F) I do things you should be doing.

(M) Would you be more specific?

(F) I cleaned the garage.

(M) I noticed – nice job. Have you seen my circular saw?

(F) I put it in the basement. Remember how the blade rusted over the winter?

(M) Right. In the basement – thanks.

(F) You’re missing my point.

(M) Are we back to the gutters?

(F) Not just the gutters – all kinds of things. You don’t do anything.

…

(F) You don’t do anything around the house. You don’t pull your fair share.

(M) Maybe you do too much. Maybe if you let things go more, they’d bother me, and I’d do them.

(F) If I left things to you, the whole house would fall down around our ears.

…

(F) Is that what you want?

(M) For the house to fall down around our ears?

(F) Yes, is that what you want?

(M) It’s a fair question.

(F) What do you mean by that!

(M) Apartments are a lot easier.

(F) But we own this house.

(M) Too bad.

(F) So now you want to move? You want to just junk it all and sell the house?

(M) As I recall, I never wanted to buy the house.

(F) Don’t bring that up! We decided together.

(M) No – you decided. I agreed.

(F) That’s right – you agreed.

(M) Agreed.

(F) Good God, what are you trying to say?

(M) I’m saying I agreed. You wanted a house. It was important to you. I agreed to live in a house in order to live with you.

(F) And now you want to live in an apartment?

(M) I always wanted to live in an apartment. Apartments are easier.

(F) You’d have no room for your tools.

(M) I wouldn’t need them.

(F) We can’t sell the house now. The market is still down.

(M) Okay.

(F) Are you just going to sit there?

(M) Are we back to the gutters?

(F) Please! I can’t do everything myself.

(M) Let’s hire it done.

(F) What! Is that your answer? Anything I’m not willing to do myself, I should hire done, because it doesn’t bother you enough to do?

(M) That was well put.

(F) Is that how you feel?

(M) It’s kind of like…

(F) Living in an apartment – I know.

(M) Well, we can now – I mean when the market goes back up.

(F) Move?

(M) It’s not like…

(F) What are you saying?

(M) Well, you said you wanted a house to…

(F) I know what I said! I can’t believe you’re throwing that in my face!

(M) I’m not throwing it in your face. It’s just – we’ve been married twelve years now.

(F) And we’re not going to have children if we haven’t already.

…

(F) So you blame me?

(M) Blame you for what?

(F) For us not having children?

(M) No.

(F) So, what are you thinking?

(M) Have you seen my shoes?

(F) I put them on the mat.

(M) Alright.

(F) Where are you going?

(M) I’m going to clean the gutters.